#46 The paradox of connectivity
On the anxiety and liberation of being phone-free.
In an ideal world, today’s post was going to be about the fabulous Marian Keyes and my takeaways from the talk she gave at Southbank Centre as part of the Women of the World festival a couple of weeks ago. But we’re going to scrap that for now because the beauty of this newsletter is that I can write about almost everything that crosses my mind. Almost.
Anyway, what is the longest time you’ve gone without your phone?
And by that, I don’t mean the longest time you’ve lasted without looking at your phone.
The actual period of time when you’ve left your phone somewhere and minded your own business.
If you’re one of these people that could go days on end without having your phone, kudos to you. I am not ashamed to say I’m not part of this category, although, truth be told, I take slight comfort in the fact I’m way better than my boyfriend.
Having said that, last week I left my phone at home – deliberately. It was 3.20 in the morning and I was running around the flat in complete darkness (trying not to wake up Pepper – this is how much I care about my cat) aiming for an ironed shirt with one hand and with the other talking to the taxi driver who was complaining that he’d already been outside waiting for … five minutes.
For some reason, I wasn’t able to find my phone. The same phone that had woken me up 20 minutes before and I kept on snoozing. Don’t ask me how - I’m sometimes marvelled by the fact people trust me to produce an early breakfast live programme on the radio before I’ve even had a cup of tea. Long story short, I had to make the decision to jump in the taxi and get to work late, but still in time for the show, without my phone.
No drama, right?
Except it did feel extremely uncomfortable. As hours went by, a sense of anxiety and nakedness began to mount, only for this to culminate in a bizarre feeling of liberation.
It’s sad how deeply attached we are to our phones. And whilst everyone knows this, we don’t do anything to change our obsession and dependability on a device. It’s an extension of us. We take it everywhere because… we want to be entertained when we’re on our commute or sitting on the toilet. We want to switch off from work emails or chores. We want to feel connected.
When I eventually got home some 12 hours later, I inevitably looked for my phone to see if I missed anything. It was only when I scrolled through the notifications that I realised no one noticed I was “offline”, except for my boyfriend who had to call the radio station to get hold of me. (Yes, you can “aww.”)
Other than that, all I had missed were emails and Sunday dinner recommendations.
I could have had an accident. I might as well have died and no one would have known.
My enforced exercise of going without a phone has taught me about the paradox of connectivity.
The mirage of social media makes you think you’ve got everyone and everything at your fingertips.
What you’re ‘connected to’ is a moment or an aspiration at most.
The true connection goes beyond a screen. And the truth is, we’re all lonely sometimes.
If you’re reading this on your phone, why don’t you text or call a friend and check in with them? There’s no time like the present!
Also, I’d like to know: do you go out without your phone? What do you do to spend less time on a screen and have you noticed any benefits in your lifestyle?
Some weeks, I have plenty to say. Others, I’ve got only a few words, yet I hope I can leave with something to reflect on. Today was a bitter-sweet acknowledgement that whilst we’re all trapped in our busy lives, we pretend to be there for each other online. We can do better. We should do better.
Virtual hugs,
Teodora x
P.S: Today is Mother’s Day in the UK. Happy Mother’s Day to all the mums everywhere! And yes, if you’re a pet mum, this day’s for you too!
📣 Did you know…?
✨ You can now read The Culture Worm in the new Substack app - if you have an Apple device!
With the app, you’ll have a dedicated Inbox for my Substack and any others you subscribe to. Comments and rich media will all work seamlessly. Overall, it’s a significant upgrade to the reading experience. (apparently 🤷)
I personally still think the email communication feels more intimate, but hey, I won’t judge you if you decide to read me from an app as opposed to your inbox. You do you - and spread the word about my little worm, of course! 🙌
Book recommendation of the week:
You know me by now - when I’m in need of answers, I always turn to books to seek wisdom, comfort or inspiration. It struck me that I should share more of my book choices with this community. (Duuh!)
So you’ll see more of this in the coming weeks… However, I would like this to be collaborative, so if you have a book to recommend - regardless of the topic or genre - fill in this Google doc form. The next ‘book of the week’ could come from YOU!
📌 ICYMI
Brain snack: My latest round-up with really really cool things for you to read, listen, watch, and learn. Check it out below:
Worth revisiting: For those who struggle with meaningful or long-lasting friendships, perhaps this will help you …
Still relevant: My take on the war in Ukraine and why you should reconsider what you share on social media. 🇺🇦
** At the time of publication, which was three days into the Russian invasion of Ukraine, there were 60,000 people fleeing the country. Since then, more than three million people have fled Ukraine, according to the United Nations.
Before we say goodbye… 🥺
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On going a day without the phone is ac
actually harder than it seems unless I'm on holiday I can not go a day without my phone. Honestly it's really bad how attached we all our to are phones. They really do seem like a part of us. I remember when my phone got stolen by a monkey on holiday. I was phoneless for the whole holiday. And I went thorough what felt like the stages of giving haha. But when I hit accepts it was nice not constantly looking at screen at least for a while.