#9 Anger is actually your friend

On listening to your anger and the 'fly or fight' response.

May 28, 2021

I’ve not had a great week at all. And I don’t know why it has taken me so long to accept that it is okay to start this week’s newsletter like this.

Am I complaining too much? Does anyone care? Is this the beginning of the end? It’s only a matter of time until everyone unsubscribes and all these late nights of writing would have been in vain. (Not in vain, Teodora, don’t be silly, just for your ego!)

Right. There we go again. This is exactly the conversation I’ve had with myself for a couple of hours before deciding to actually sit down and get the newsletter done. I can acknowledge this is not a healthy way of talking to your inner self but sometimes it is unavoidable. Sometimes you forget or simply refuse to distance yourself from the situation and analyse it differently. Sometimes it’s like you want to be angry with yourself, almost on purpose.

I got angry because I could have done more research for this week’s newsletter and I could have organised my time better so I don’t have to pull another all-nighter.

I got angry because yesterday in the middle of an interview my internet connection dropped and even after being reconnected, there was a constant audio delay and had to stare at a blank screen pretending to see my interviewers, whilst smiling, of course.

I got angry because I had to cancel dinner with a friend after I volunteered to do more work.

You get the point. Silly things - some that can be controlled and some that can’t and yet equally annoy me.

When I get angry, I go quiet and ‘punish myself.’

The self-loathing talk. You probably know it too well. I then become unproductive because supposedly, my inner child feels hurt, and then I get angry again because of being unproductive. It’s a never-ending drama.

Isn’t this what we’ve been taught about anger, though? That it is a destructive emotion, creating chaos and one that we should be ashamed of and keep under control? Never express it - just hide it, stifle it, lie about it. Whatever it takes, just don’t bring it up because you’re meant to be “nice.” And, of course, nice people don’t get angry. Or at least they don’t show it.

Until I came across this quote:

Anger is meant to be listened to. Anger is a voice, a shout a plea, a demand. Anger is meant to be respected. Why? Because anger is a map. Anger shows us what our boundaries are. Anger shows us where we want to go. It lets us see where we’ve been and lets us know when we haven’t like it. Anger points the way, not just the finger. In the recovery of a blocked artist, anger is a sign of health. Anger is meant to be acted upon. It is not meant to be acted out.

It’s the second time I mention Julia Cameron’s “The Artist Way” in this newsletter and as I’m diligently reading it and doing the homework each week, I find myself turning from an utter cynic into … oh well, the same me, just more resilient and perhaps wiser.

Anger is related to a deep need for control. And who doesn’t like being in control?

Anger is also triggered when an obstacle or someone blocks our needs. It prepares us to deal with the obstruction or problem in our path so we can get to where we want to be.

Anger serves as an internal guidance system that indicates something is not right and we are not safe. A bit like the ‘fly or fight’ biological response. Imagine the gazelle being chased by a lion on television. It’s someone’s natural instinct to react in a situation when presented with an immediate stressor.

Sloth, apathy, and despair are the enemy. Anger is not. Anger is our friend. Not a nice friend. Not a gentle friend. But a very, very loyal friend. It will always tell us when we have been betrayed. - Julia Cameron

Anger has been in many ways my salvation. Anger prompted me to make changes: end friendships that were no longer benefitting me, quit a job that was not making me grow, move to a foreign country to get better opportunities to reach my goals and ambitions.

I am on a journey to try and reverse the way I’ve been perceiving anger until now. As I keep saying in this newsletter, it’s about unlearning. I’m curious to know how do you manifest your anger? What do you do to keep it under control and use it as positive reinforcement? Write to me. We’re both here to learn from each other.

🥁 📚 The latest in the literary world

I mentioned in issue #3 about the 2021 Jhalak Prize. Now, the winners have been announced! The Book of the Year by a Writer of Colour went to Jennifer Nansubuga Makumbi for “The First Woman,” a coming-of-age tale set in Uganda under Idi Amin’s brutal reign. 👏 🇺🇬 Excuse me, just a sec… *adds to wishlist* 👀 🤭
You’ve probably heard of Roxane Gay from her essay collection “Bad Feminist” or her ultra-super-amazing memoir, “Hunger: A Memoir of (My) Body.” Gay is, however, much more than a best-selling author (!) - she’s a professor, editor, social commentator, columnist for the New York Times (and engaged to another fantastic woman, designer and podcast host, Debbie Millman - unrelated but cool?! 🤩). If this wasn’t enough, Gay’s started her own publishing imprint with Grove Atlantic. 😮 The first call for submissions will be this summer and it will be available for writers with or without agents. Also, a one-year fellowship is on the way too, with the fellow working half time with Gay and half at Grove to learn the ins and outs of publishing. ✨ What a legend! ✨
Who says you can’t make a living as a full-time writer? And no, you don’t even have to be an established one! Zakiya Dalila Harris, a former editorial assistant, sold her debut novel, “The Other Black Girl,” for more than $1 million at an auction to Atria Books. Moreover, 100k+ copies are going to be printed for the U.S (an outstanding number for a debut novel!) and a TV adaptation is planned for Hulu. It’s safe to say this is poised to be one of the major fiction debuts this summer! 🤯 👏
Marcus Rashford, the Manchester United footballer and the person behind the free school meals campaign during 2020, has written a guide to life for young people called “You Are A Champion: How To Be The Best You Can Be.” ⚽ The book draws on stories from Rashford’s own life to show that success is all about the mindset. He is now on a mission to encourage reading especially among children. According to research by the National Literacy Trust, in the UK, an estimated 383,000 children have never owned a book. 😔
BONUS: A month-long literary festival? Yes, please! 😍 Stylist has put on 20 online events throughout June celebrating the best releases in fiction and non-fiction of 2021. Don’t worry about Zoom fatigue - there’s a closing party at The Hoxton, Holborn London with wine, canapés and goodie bags for 40 lucky people! How exciting! 🎉 🍷

🎧 📰 👀 My media diet this week

Nearly 160 years after Lewis Carroll’s most famous piece of work was published, V&A’s new blockbuster exhibition delves into the origins, adaptations and reinventions of Alice in Wonderland over the years, charting the book’s evolution from manuscript to global phenomenon. Aimée McLaughlin from Creative Review tells us what to expect, including installations embodying the Cheshire cat and the Mad Hatter’s tea party, as well as a VR experience. Why read it? Perhaps this is the escapism we’ve been longing for? [Mind you, if this has made you nostalgic for some museum visits, tickets are selling fast! 🎫 ]
There are no pictures of Van Gogh as an adult, so a digital artist created realistic photos to show how he might have looked like. 📷 🖼️ Why read it? To better understand what it took Ruud van Empel to bring Van Gogh to life. It’s got to do with tracking down doppelgängers who lived in the Netherlands! 👀 🕵️
This four-minute video on the power of education from BBC Ideas about a former prisoner who became a PhD scholar. Why watch it? You’ll follow Stephen Akpabio-Klementowski’s journey in “finding freedom in his own mind,” and how “prisoner” is just a label. 👏 💡
PornHub uploads nearly 15 terabytes of content every 24 hours. That’s about half of the entire Netflix library. How do you make sure that abusive material doesn’t get through? You don’t. This fabulous one-off podcast episode from Tortoise Media on the hunt for the man behind one of the world’s biggest porn sites. 🐢 Why listen to it? Learn about the platform that’s saturated with rape videos, monetises ( monetised?) child rape content, revenge porn and racist content and its owner, Bernd Bergmair, the man who can actually sleep at night knowing he’s allowing this to happen under his eyes. (??!!) 🙃

📌 Random news in brief

Can you imagine a fibre made from leather waste? Me neither but it sounds cool! Finnish sustainable natural material company Spinnova has partnered with leather supplier KT Trading to create new circular textile made from leather waste. 👞 🙌
What does the fox say? 🦊 That a washing machine can be a cosy spot! Here’s the story behind the picture that’s gone viral with the furry companion found in a woman’s washing machine. 💁‍♀️
Take a peek at some of this year’s entries for The Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards! Kicking kangaroos 🦘, dancing birds 🦤, happy hippos 🦛, laughing lions 🦁 and more! Hilarious and brilliant at the same time.

Before we say goodbye… 🥺

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