#7 Everyone struggles with mental health
On allowing yourself to feel the feelings and trusting the process.
I grew up in a former communist country where conversations around mental health were until not so long ago considered taboo. It was barely when I moved to the UK that I realised how my lack of knowledge and awareness in dealing with my own thoughts and emotions have affected me.
At 18, everything seemed doable, nothing could have possibly stopped me from achieving whatever I thought I was meant to achieve. Looking back now, I admire that version of Teodora, the prototype of “teenager naiveté” combined with a strong sense of courage and occasional foolishness.
Except I had to learn things the hard way: juggling two, three jobs alongside university, worrying about rent, later on even ending up on friends’ sofas for some time (if you’re one of them reading this - thank you!), classic toxic relationships, being taken advantage of, and the list could go on.
In this time, I had a couple of ‘proper breakdowns,’ including a suicide attempt, constant self-harm, and many sleepless nights, mild to severe panic attacks and negative thoughts that slowly but steadily have destroyed my self-esteem and that Teodora version that once seemed ‘invincible.’
“If you’re going through hell, keep going.” - Winston Churchill
The truth is, I don’t believe you’ll ever be able to win the battle against your brain.
Of course, that’s not to say you can’t be happy. But this requires constant work and a lot of unlearning, so you can keep it under control. It’s not a fancy course you can pay for and at the end of it, you’re cured of all of your anxieties and/or disorders.
Try things out but ultimately, do what’s best for you.
I’ve recently purchased a copy of Julia Cameron’s “The Artist Way.” I thought I would be the last person in the world to adopt the morning pages ritual. I was wrong. It helps me get rid of all my moany, grumpy thoughts and leave them on paper instead of carrying them with me throughout the day.
I’ve never realised that the most difficult thing to do is to be patient with yourself.
Especially in the age of instant gratification. But trust the process and be less sceptical. And this comes from someone who is constantly rolling her eyes at every business opportunity disguised as beneficial for your mental health and well-being.
“Though I am often in the depths of misery, there is still calmness, pure harmony and music inside me.” ― Vincent van Gogh
Roll your eyes, if need be, but show up for your brain, for yourself, and put in the work. Whether it’s a forced walk in the park, a 10-minute guided meditation, journaling, calling a friend or listening to an audiobook.
And one more thing: cry it out. I sometimes spend minutes on end crying in the shower. And then I get back to whatever I’m supposed to do for the day. It turns out, sometimes, a good ol’ cry just does the trick.
In light of Mental Health Awareness Week, this is a message of hope. Everyone struggles with mental health, in a way or another. Allow yourself to speak about how you feel. Allow yourself to feel the feelings. Allow yourself time.
If at any point this essay has made you want to talk to someone, I’m one email away.
Now, you know the drill: it’s time for the weekly cultural recommendations.
Happy reading, happy learning,
Teodora x
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🥁 📚 The latest in the literary world
The winners of the British Book Awards – also known as the Nibbies – have been announced and Booker Prize-winner Douglas Stuart has won yet another award for “Shuggie Bain,” taking the crown for this year’s overall Book of the Year. 🏆 If you fancy watching the full awards ceremony, you can do it here, including a couple of interviews with authors such as Charlie Mackesy (whose book, “The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse,” is the longest-running Sunday Times hardback No 1 to date!)
It’s become a bit of a habit to promote celebrities’ book releases in this space … not that they would need more (free) publicity but because sometimes I’m wondering why does everyone think it is a good idea to write a book just because they’re famous? 🤔 🙃 Until I find the answer, Oprah has released a new book in collaboration with brain and trauma expert, Dr Bruce Perry, titled “What Happened To You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing.” It sounds self-explanatory, but if you’re still curious, here’s an excerpt for you to read.
I’m a huge Stephen King fan, although I’ve probably only read less than a third of his work so far. Before you judge me, he’s published 62 novels to date and more than 200 short stories. Dan Sheehan from LitHub argues that the Stephen King cinematic universe will devour us all because, since the beginning of 2020, 26 different film and TV projects based on King’s works are in various stages of production. I beg to differ, Dan. That’s why he’s THE King, after all. 👑 💁♀️
Romanian publishers, booksellers and librarians, this one is for you! 👀 🙌 The London Book Fair International Excellence Awards shortlists have been revealed and I’m beaming all over with joy and pride! 🥲 My favourite Romanian bookstore chain, Cărturești, has been shortlisted for “the Bookstore of the Year” category! Looking forward to going home and spending many, many hours in there! 🤭 📚
🎧 📰 👀 My media diet this week
Renowned portrait photographer, filmmaker and Dazed founder Rankin picks six of his best works for whynow from David Bowie’s teeth to a 1988 family photo that got him into London College of Printing. Why read it? You’ll learn about the perils of photography manipulating reality, Irving Penn and the idea of selling dreams, as well as pushing the boundaries of fashion and beauty. 📸
As the world starts to open up again, I was planning to book tickets for Yayoi Kusama’s Infinity Mirror Rooms installation at Tate Modern but not before brushing up on my knowledge of the trailblazer. These eight facts about Kusama’s life are a good starting point when it comes to the queen of the polka dot. Why read it? You’ll learn how Kusama has *voluntarily* spent the past four decades in a psychiatric hospital, how it is to have Georgia O’Keeffe 🌺 as a mentor and “narcissism for sale.” P.S: Tickets are sold out until the end of October. *sigh* 😔
This 20-minute experimental collage from filmmaker César Caprioli about male socialisation and masculine identity. Why watch it? The premise of the video is the way men are socialised leads to violence, oppression, and suffering that exceeds the bounds of gender issues as they are conventionally understood.
I don’t normally watch series as that implies a level of commitment I’m not yet ready to give, however, Leonardo is an exception. Although the reviews aren't exactly cheerful (Guardian called it “cringe-inducing,” The Times “not dreadful” and Apollo Magazine “clunky and condescending - so bingeable”), I enjoyed learning about one of the most influential artists in history, the epitome of the Renaissance era. I’m now listening to the official podcast of this murder-mystery period drama and it’s more captivating! You can stream Leonardo on Amazon Prime. I’d say give it a go and make up your own mind about it. 👨🎨 🎨
📌 Random news in brief
Can I tempt anyone with a “smart mani treatment”? 💅 Perhaps you’re going to let this lady embed a microchip into your fingernails. Apparently, it can be used as a contactless solution to business cards. Erm… you’re welcome?! 🤷♀️
I’d never thought I’d write about football but never say never! As part of Mental Health Awareness Week, Manchester United Foundation will be distributing 5,000 books and balls to children living in deprived areas of Greater Manchester. 👏 👏
Representation is important. That’s why I am over the moon for Dr Alexandra Bulat, the first Romanian county councillor in the UK. On the same note, Nicu Ion has now become the first Roma councillor in the UK, representing the Elswick ward (Newcastle) as a result of last week’s local elections. 💪 🇷🇴
Before we say goodbye… 🥺
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