#35 The end of a love affair
On love, adultery, jealousy, and obsession in the midst of finding yourself.
When I wrote last week that I’ve gone into panic mode counting down the days of 2021, I was not joking. If there’s something good that came out of this, then that’s me rushing to finish my challenge on Goodreads and finally put an end to a reading slump that was frankly quite irritating. As always, when a deadline looms, my motivation does too, and I manage to get stuff done. I’ve often wondered what it would take to do my tasks ahead of time, but I am tricking myself into thinking that my best (creative) work happens when I am only minutes away from having to hit the submit button. Well, how do you know, Teodora, given you’ve never actually completed your tasks at the right time?! Okay, fine. I like the adrenaline kicking off, knowing that I am risking a panic attack in any moment, essentially living on the edge! I realised I’ve just portrayed myself as rebellious for completing a reading challenge… Shall we move on?
One of my tips for curing a reading slump is to go for slim books, preferably under 200/250 pages – quick and easy texts that you can get done in one day. Positive reinforcement for your tired mind. This is how I decided to give Graham Greene and “The End of the Affair” a go. It’s my first adventure with monsieur Greene, although I’ve heard a lot about him – after all, he is one of England’s foremost post-war novelists, as well as a critic and journalist (Greene worked for The Times and The Spectator but also as a freelance journalist, travelling extensively, and collaborating with the British Foreign Office).
Was “The End of the Affair” the best introduction to Greene’s literary world? The internet doesn’t agree. What does the internet know about the ways in which books miraculously work their ways to find you when you most need them?!
Indeed, the characters aren’t particularly likeable, but I am tired of lobbying for the hero/heroine in his/her journey towards a happy ending. Greene gives us Maurice Bendrix, the flawed and floundering writer living through the London Blitz of the Second World War, that falls for Sarah, the wife of a civil servant, deeply unhappy about her marriage, yet too scared – or loyal (bizarrely) – to divorce her husband, Henry. It’s said that this novel is drawn from Greene’s own affair with Lady Catherine Walston, the wife of a former Labour and Social Democratic MP.
“What a dull lifeless quality this bitterness is. If I could I would write with love, but if I could write with love, I would be another man: I would never have lost love.”
Maurice is driven crazy by Sarah’s refusal to divorce Henry, which only fuels his jealousy. It’s important to mention a significant part of the novel brings to light the topic of religion and the dynamics between an atheist (Maurice) and someone who is at the intersection of hope and faith (Sarah). In fact, as the story is told in reverse order, from the moment when Maurice and Sarah are no longer together, we find out the reason for their separation has a religious element. During a blitz attack, Maurice’s flat is bombed while he and Sarah are there. Sarah makes a promise, if God exists and saves Maurice, she will break off the affair, which of course, happens.
“I hate you, God. I hate you as though you actually exist.”
This story has kept me on my toes – the first three parts more than the slightly off-putting ending. Whilst a general acceptance is that “The End of the Affair” is an ode to obsession, Maurice with jealousy, Sarah with doubt and guilt, and Henry with work, I felt it rather as a cry for help.
These characters are all broken, and carry the burden of not being honest with themselves more than anything else. Yes, Maurice’s desire for control is not one to aspire for, but his jealousy is rooted in fear. Is he actually able to love someone and let himself be loved unconditionally? Will he ever be good enough for Sarah so that she will eventually leave Henry? When it comes to Sarah, the woman who admits to herself that Maurice is the love of her life, the feeling of guilt is too strong and leaves her overwhelmed, seeking her way to God and forgiveness. Henry, the dull civil worker, is aware of how his marriage is hanging by a thread, but he’s given up. He’s accepted his fate, and his work became his refuge. Henry knows of his wife affairs, but he won’t say anything. Why would he? He’d then be alone and wouldn’t be able to cope for too long.
“The sense of unhappiness is so much easier to convey than that of happiness. In misery we seem aware of our own existence, even though it may be in the form of a monstrous egotism: this pain of mine is individual, this nerve that winces belongs to me and to no other. But happiness annihilates us: we lose our identity.”
Only 180 pages long, “The End of the Affair” made me think of why we let fear dictate our lives; why we accept unhappiness as a default mode; why we don’t take a leap of faith and do something uncomfortable that in the end will set us free; why we choose to imprison ourselves.
There’s always a way out, even when you think you’re trapped.
📣 Coming up:
News on Marcus Rashford, Alice Sebold, Bernardine Evaristo, and the best books of 2021. Plus, peas and pickled red cabbage beer, Spotify Wrapped, and the vinyl production crisis. This, and more, below.
Until next Friday …
Happy reading, happy learning,
Teodora x
🥁 📚 The latest in the literary world
December is simply glorious in the literary world. ❄️ ‘Tis the season for books of the year! We get to see major book retailers, literary publications, and critics sharing their 2021 picks! 🙌 And who doesn’t love a good, ol’ round-up? I’ve kept an eye out on the highlights and overlaps: Waterstones has announced “The Lyrics” by Paul McCartney as its book of the year, “Klara and the Sun” by Kazuo Ishiguro 🤖 ☀️ seems to be on everyone’s lists, together with John le Carré’s “Silverview.” 🕵️♂️ But hey, don’t worry; you’re not being left out. You can vote in the final round for the Goodreads Choice Awards (until Sunday, December 5), as well as have a say in choosing the best book of the past 125 years for the New York Times Book Review. BONUS: I’ll reveal very soon the best and worst books I’ve read this year, so watch this space! 👀
Sexy, bold, daring – my favourite combination. 😏 🤭 Ladies and gentlemen, I present you the UK cover for “Young Mungo,” the upcoming novel of the Booker Prize-winning author, Douglas Stuart. 💋 This is a thing of beauty. I don’t recall hitting the pre-order button faster in my life! 🎉
Bernardine Evaristo has become the first woman of colour to be appointed president of the Royal Society of Literature. 👏 Evaristo has attracted media attention since she won the 2019 Booker prize for “Girl, Woman, Other,” but she’s more than just an overnight success, as I described in one of the previous instalments of this newsletter. She has been instrumental in creating spaces and giving more visibility to Black authors, especially Black female authors, within the UK. If anyone can move the needle to a more inclusive, egalitarian culture for literature, then Evaristo is a safe bet. 🙌
I’m only into footballers if they’re part-time writers or at least book enthusiasts! Turns out Marcus Rashford has got them all! ⚽ After receiving an MBE for his efforts to lift children out of poverty and launching a book club to promote reading and literacy, Rashford has teamed up with author Alex Falase-Koya to write “The Breakfast Club Adventures,” his first fiction book aimed at 8-11-year-olds. 🍳 🥞
Uhm. This is a lot to take in… 😶 Alice Sebold reached literary fame after writing her memoir, “Lucky.” This is where she describes being raped and later spotting a Black man who she believed was her attacker. This man, Anthony Broadwater, ended up in prison for 16 years, but last week his conviction was overturned. Prosecutors identified serious flaws in his arrest and trial, including Sebold’s misidentification of him. The author has apologised for “the role that I unwittingly played within a system that sent an innocent man to jail.” Consequently, “Lucky” was pulled from shelves. What shall we make of this? Scaachi Koul, a reporter for BuzzFeed News, explains how the book has a new function as “an illuminating text about the failures of the criminal justice system.” 💡
BONUS: A two-bedroom Bloomsbury apartment that shares an address with the former home of Frankenstein creator Mary Shelley is on the market for £1 million. 🏡 In case you have some spare cash… you’re welcome! 💸 💰
🎧 📰 👀 My media diet this week
This hyper-visual thread on 20+ most powerful paradoxes of life. Why check it out? You may have already heard of some, but this is a great reminder that in life you have to be willing to do things that seem counter-intuitive at first in order to get the desired outcome. 📈 💯
You do not need to sell this life today | Anne Helen Petersen’s newsletter, Culture Study. Why read this? Petersen discusses the concept of community, vulnerability, and the strength it takes to allow yourself to rely on others. Plus, what happens when you’ve become tired of the “Instagram aesthetic of cozy,” and unlearning to live an optimised life. 🧘
When other people don’t see your creative career as ‘work’ | the Atlantic’s subscriber newsletter, I have notes. Why read this? As a creative person on the cusp of dedicating most of her time to this newsletter, this text spoke to me. It is about the fulfilment your work gives you, financing your dream, and the twists and turns, opportunities and risks that come together once you’ve decided to follow your own path. ✨
The supply chain crisis, explained by Adele | Vox. Why read this? A light, yet informative text on the rising demand for vinyl records during the pandemic, production delays, and the more significant issues in the music industry. 🎙️
📌 Random news in brief
May I tempt you with a canned peas and pickled red cabbage beer? 🍻The Icelandic brewery that came up with this interesting combination claims it encapsulates the Christmas spirit. 🎄🎅
So, how does your #SpotifyWrapped look like? 🎶 [Sorry, Apply Music users.] If this is all you’ve seen in the past couple of days on social media, you should thank Jewel Ham, a former Spotify intern during the summer of 2019. Ham claims to have come up with the Spotify Wrapped story format but the music streaming service didn’t give her any credit. 🙊
Boy or girl doesn’t suffice: The Science Museum in London is planning to change a display on human biology following complaints about an alleged lack of transgender representation. 🤔
“The pub without permission”: The prestigious Turner Prize was awarded this year to Array Collective, a group of 11 artists and activists after transforming a gallery space into an Irish pub. 🇮🇪 🏆
Before we say goodbye… 🥺
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