#22 The right to kill

On a love that doesn't exist, the fear of abandonment, and the cost of freedom.

Photo by Max Kleinen on Unsplash

“I shot him between the eyes.”

And then off she went to grab a coffee. When she met Alberto, four years before, she convinced herself to fall in love with him. They were going for long walks along the river looking like lovers, after all. They were not, but they could have been. Alberto was boring, he made no observations, and asked few questions. In fact, Alberto disgusted her. There was nothing special about him. When she imagined them having sex, she would flinch. Yet, she had fallen in love with Alberto – or rather with the idea of him.

“When a girl is very much alone and leads a tiresome and monotonous existence [...] she may let her imagination run wild and find herself defenceless before all the errors and pitfalls which imagination has devised to deceive her. I was a weak and unarmed victim of imagination.”

She would quit her job, move in with him, and get so attached that she’d marry Alberto only to know “at every hour of the day where he was and what he was doing”. Alberto doesn’t love her. But he will marry her and they will have a baby together. He is cold and mostly indifferent, hiding in his study room to read Rilke. Sometimes, he would read to his own wife, but more often than not, Alberto would pack the same volume of Rilke and be gone for days on ‘business trips’ to visit his old flame, Giovanna, a married woman with a kid.

“A girl likes to think that a man may be in love with her, and even if she doesn’t love him in return it’s almost as if she did. She is prettier than usual and her eyes shine; she walks at a faster pace and the tone of her voice is softer and sweeter.”

She knew about Giovanna before marrying Alberto. Nonetheless, she didn’t expect Alberto to cheat. Or perhaps she did, but she was hoping he wouldn’t. They’d argue about Giovanna, but not to the extent that she would leave Alberto. He is neither a husband, nor a lover; he is, at most, a wanderer. And she is growing more and more tired. She is scared, but this fear has in itself become tiring. Is infidelity enough for a woman to kill her husband?

“How easy life is, I thought, for women who are not afraid of men.”

There comes a point when the constant state of unhappiness turns into something unbearable. This story of a failed marriage will come to an end with a murder and a possible resuscitation.

**

Who is she? This is the narrator in Natalia Ginzburg’s novella, “Dry Heart”. We don’t know her name, but maybe this is the point. It doesn’t matter because she might as well represent every woman. The story is a short, but intense psychological thriller that opens up with the protagonist shooting her husband. What particularly struck me about this novella are the clarity and precision in Ginzburg’s language. The words are deceptively simple: They speak volumes about marital grief, frustration, mind games, and eventually, liberation. Without a doubt, the woman in the book is foolish and naïve. She is trapped in a marriage that should have never happened in the first place. However, one can understand she was craving for attention and love that, ultimately, she paid for with her own freedom. Alberto is almost irrelevant in this story – one can think of him as representing the patriarchal establishment under which women have to attempt to make their voices heard and liberate themselves.

**

I’ve never ended a relationship myself. I was the one being dumped. I’m grateful, now, looking back, because who knows how long it would have taken me to reach the same conclusion. Sometimes, people stay in relationships (or marriages) because they’re afraid of being alone. I am not afraid of being ‘alone’. What I’m afraid of instead is to lose my independence. To become too attached and to lose sight of what is real and what is only in my head. I am afraid of my own overthinking as a means of altering reality. One can – and should be – independent within a relationship. When I no longer feel safe, I run away – I hope you agree this is better than shooting someone.

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Hope you enjoyed the first part of today’s newsletter. If you’re in a relationship and you have hesitations and/or concerns, leaving might be the easy escape. It is brave if you choose to do so, but I should emphasise that it is equally important to fight for love. You decide on which terms.

• When should a woman “kill” her husband?

• Have you ever been in a relationship where you felt suffocated? What did you do?

I’d like to know your thoughts. Leave a comment below or hit the reply button and tell me your story.

Time for the weekly dose of news and cultural recommendations!

Happy reading, happy learning,

Teodora x

P.S: A final thought on reading… Books always come at the right time to teach you a lesson, open your eyes on a certain issue or help you make a decision. If you don’t understand it, you opened that book too early.

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🥁 📚 The latest in the literary world

• The “Sally Rooney mania” is real. 😵‍💫 Described as “the most talked-about novelist of her generation” by the Guardian in a recent profile, reading Rooney has become some sort of a status symbol. Her long-awaited third novel, “Beautiful World, Where Are You,” has prompted 50 bookshops across the UK to open early on September, 7 to mark the publication day. 😱 Moreover, as part of their campaign, Faber & Faber are hosting a pop-up shop in Shoreditch, and Waterstones will be selling copies of Rooney’s #BWWAY, as well as her previous works. There will also be workshops (candle making, anyone?🕯️) and daily giveaways. And, no, that’s not all! Sally Rooney will discuss the novel with Emma Dabiri at Southbank Centre. I don’t even know why I’m teasing you like this – the event is sold out! 😔 (And no, I wasn’t lucky – or fast enough – to get a ticket!) Some readers on Goodreads already argue is her best novel yet. Let me know your thoughts if you get your hands on a copy. 🤔

• I might disappoint you this time around – no memoirs or self-help books from influencers/celebrities on my radar this week! 😱 Fear not, the alternative might be just as good: HarperNonFiction has acquired “Harry Styles: The Making of a Modern Man” by celebrity biographer Sean Smith. 🕺The book will be published on November, 11, this year and will capture Styles’ life from the One Direction boy band member to the “modern cultural icon” that he is now. 👀

• For those who have missed Miss Marple, the famous detective in Agatha Christie’s crime novels, she’s back! 🕵️‍♀️ Naomi Alderman, Kate Mosse and Val McDermid and are among the female authors who will bring Miss Marple back on the case, 45 years later! The short story collection will contain 12 original stories featuring the amateur sleuth’s adventures, and will be published by HarperCollins simultaneously in the US and UK in September 2022. 🙌

• Brené Brown, the American professor and bestselling author known for her research on courage, vulnerability, and shame, is releasing her latest book, “Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience,” on November 30. 💜 Brown says this book is for the “mapmakers and travellers in all of us” whilst she gets to explore 87 (!) of the emotions and experiences that define what it means to be human and establish meaningful connection. 💡

• Salman Rushdie is my fellow Substack buddy! 😏 The Booker Prize-winning author has reached a deal with the newsletter platform and will publish his next book online. Is this the digital disruption in terms of how books are being published? 🤔 At 74, Rushdie doesn’t have much to lose: “I think that new technology always makes possible new art forms, and I think literature has not found its new form in this digital age … Whatever the new thing is that’s going to arise out of this new world, I don’t think we’ve seen it yet.”If you’re curious about this storytelling experiment, subscribe to Salman’s Sea of Stories. 📩

• BONUS: This “bookworm cabin” in the woods in Poland, some miles away from Warsaw… 😻 I wish I had spent the lockdown(s) – and the past 18 months, frankly – there. I bet you wish this too. *sigh* 😢

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🎧 📰 👀 My media diet this week

• The news on the Texas abortion ban after the sixth week of pregnancy has made me really sad. 👎 Why read about it? This explainer from Vox dives into the specifics of the law, its consequences, as well as a brief history of how this came into effect. If you like charts and data visualisation stuff, I recommend this article from FiveThirtyEight that shows where Americans stand on abortion restrictions in general. 🙅 If you’re on the go, you can listen to their politics podcast on this topic.

• This short photo essay of LGBTQ+ asylum seekers in Berlin from Huck Magazine. Why read this? Check out the motivation behind photographer Samet Durgun’s project and get a glimpse of the vulnerability, friendship, and joy expressed in these pictures. 📸 🏳️‍🌈

• After this year’s London Pride has been cancelled due to Covid safety concerns, the organisers wanted to make 2022 a “Year of Queer”. 🏳️‍🌈 Mark St Andrew from Tortoise thinks this is a bad idea. Why read this? Learn about the term’s past use as a homophobic slur, and its association with brutal violence. Plus, this quote that I found intriguing and accurate to describe the current situation: “Do we actually need to remind young straight people that it’s okay to be straight? Gay, bi, and straight people can all be equally annoying, or boring.” 💡

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📌 Random news in brief

• “Dognapping” will be a criminal offence with prison sentence after a surge in pet thefts during the pandemic. 🐕 🐾 🚓

• Meet Mr Calm and Little Miss Brave! 👋 The newest additions to the Mr Men and Little Miss books have been released to mark the 50th anniversary of the popular children’s series. 💕

• The shortlisted images for the 2021 Comedy Wildfire Photo Awards are hilarious! My favourite is this pigeon that takes a leaf to the face. 🐦 This fish ‘pouting’ for the camera is a strong contender too! 🐟