#24 When to leave home

On the learnings after five years living in London, belonging, and freedom.

Sep 17, 2021

I’ve been obsessed with the idea of home and belonging for quite some time. Today marks my fifth anniversary since I moved to London. When I think of it like this, it sounds as surreal as when I decided to buy a one-way ticket here, despite everyone being against it. But recently, the novelty started wearing off.

I love London for lots of reasons. Initially, I thought I’d move to London to be surrounded by people speaking in an impeccable, sexy British accent. (Spoiler: I was wrong). Then, I wanted to study in one of the best media hubs in Europe (and probably in the world). London sounded like the perfect place. Despite its flaws, I still believe British journalism is one of the best and most rigorous out there.

London, in all its beauty and glory, is an expensive place. Yet, it was London that has taught me the value of humbleness and perseverance. During university years, so I can make ends meet, I worked so many jobs that I lost count: as a waitress, babysitter, private English tutor, PA, and social media assistant to name a few. In the meantime, I was keen on grabbing any unpaid internship, two-week work experience at a media publication. Anything which would be remotely associated with the industry I was so desperately trying to break in.

Writing this makes me chuckle. I don’t even know if this has anything to do with determination or pure stubbornness. I wanted to prove people, mostly my family, that they were wrong. I wanted to prove them wrong when they doubted me that I’d be able to live by myself in a foreign country and that I’d somehow manage to be remotely successful. (“Successful” viewed in the typical, old-fashioned, toxic way: having a well-paid job, a steady relationship etc)

What gives you the reassurance that you’re in the right place, doing the right thing? Or, as a matter of fact, how do you know when it’s time to pack your suitcase and move on?

I don’t know the answer to this, although I wish I did. I wrote in a previous issue about the hurdle of perfectionism, and embracing uncertainty. Sometimes it feels ominous. In the blink of an eye, London is no longer the welcoming city where an immigrant arrives to make her dream come true. It becomes a city of ghosts – people running around, too busy to reach a certain destination, too absorbed in their phones to see, smell, or hear what London truly is. There is no space left for feelings: You either accept it as it is, or you can go away, if lucky not to be kicked out. Too many foreigners, anyway, right?

I am sure I could have tried more. I am sure I could have prioritised better. This is not about failure, although it is already about a potential regret. If I were to stay, what can I do to change for the better?

It’s a weird feeling to not know where you belong. It’s almost as bad as making yourself believe you belong in a certain place. This reminds me of Maya Angelou, in an interview with Bill Moyers in 1973 about freedom, identity, and belonging:

“You are only free when you realise you belong no place – you belong every place – no place at all. The price is high. The reward is great.”

Happy anniversary, London.

This is rather bitter-sweet. I may have to leave you for a while, just to realise how much I miss you and need you back in my life. Or, on the contrary, I might as well just say my farewells and start wandering in the lookout for another (temporary) home…

Reflecting on the place I should be, or the path I should take, I find myself drawing a paradoxical conclusion: I might be already on my way home. Again, Maya Angelou encapsulates this better than I ever could in one of her essays, titled “Home,” part of the “Letter to My Daughter” collection:

“We feel safest when we go inside ourselves and find home, a place where we belong and maybe the only place we really do.”

I guess, onwards and upwards …

Until next Friday, take a look at the latest cultural recommendations: news on Sally Rooney, a weird TikTok trend, Donald Trump, banning ebooks, and more.

Happy reading, happy learning,

Teodora x

P.S: Some of you might have expected to read today a review of Sally Rooney’s “Beautiful World, Where Are You.” I am halfway through and have taken lots of notes, so the wait will, hopefully, be worth it!

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🥁 📚 The latest in the literary world

The most prestigious award in the UK’s book industry is soon to be announced! Of course, I’m referring to the Booker Prize! 🙌 In the meantime, the shortlists have been revealed! 👀 Sadly (or fortunately?), Kazuo Ishiguro’s “Klara and The Sun” failed to impress this year’s judges and hasn’t made the list. I love Ishiguro, but having read the novel, it didn’t quite hit the mark for me either. It must be tough to constantly produce terrific work, knowing people expect that from you as a Nobel Prize winner… 🙊 Anyway, the winner will be crowned on November, 3 at a ceremony held in partnership with the BBC at Broadcasting House’s Radio Theatre. 👑
I wish I was in high school now because Bernardine Evaristo’s “Girl, Woman, Other” has just been introduced on the A-level syllabus by the OCR exam board in order to boost diversity in English literature texts. 🤩 This is a HUGE achievement and so relevant in nurturing young people’s minds and interest in literature! 👏 We need diversity of thought and multiple perspectives, not the same old, boring, and outdated texts. They have their role too, but times have changed, and new conversations need to happen.
In case you had any doubts, Sally Rooney is smashing it! “Beautiful World, Where Are You” is Waterstones’ bestselling fiction hardback of the whole year, after only a week since publication! The novel has debuted in the UK Official Top 50 as number one with more than 46,000 copies sold in just five days! 😵 🎉
When I first interviewed Maria Ressa back in 2018 whilst working at a radio station in Columbia, Missouri, I was shaking and hoping I won’t make a fool of myself. Since then, I got to see her live at the International Journalism Festival in Perugia the following year, plus a couple of other online events. Ressa is one of my idols in journalism, alongside Christiane Amanpour and Christina Lamb, and to know she is going to publish a new book… I’m hyper-ventilating! ✨ This woman currently has ten arrest warrants against her name, in her fight to tell the truth and hold the line. 😮 “How to Stand Up to a Dictator” is out in April 2022 and available to pre-order. 🔥
“The Summer Woman,” a newly discovered story by Tennessee Williams, has been published for the first time after being found in Harvard University’s archives. 😱 You can read it in the Strand Magazine for less than a tenner!

🎧 📰 👀 My media diet this week

“Ebooks are an abomination”, writes Ian Bogost in The Atlantic. And I actually agree with him. Am I a snob? Probably, but this article might convince you to join the anti-ebooks gang. After all, as Bogost put it, “just give up and read normal books, like humankind has done for 2,000 years.” 🤐
How to stop a $45 billion crime spree – a podcast episode from the Wall Street Journal on a weird kind of shoplifting in America’s retail stores: people filling up bin bags with items and simply walking out the door. 🤷‍♀️ Why listen to it? A 15-min conversation on the organised crime behind this unconventional (?) shoplifting, plus what to do to stop it. One of the actual reasons shoplifters are able to walk out with bin bags full of stuff is because most stores actually don’t try that hard to stop them in the act due to the security risks involved. 🤔
The unlikely story of a sex trafficking survivor and the Instagram account that saved her life | Why read this? This an interesting read from ELLE on a woman’s life “after escape”, who has switched from sex work to sociology in her journey, and now is helping other women to get out of commercial sex exploitation. 🏩
This podcast interview with former Editor-in-Chief of EMPIRE, Terri White. 🎬Why listen to this? White speaks about consolidating a brand during her tenure at the magazine, the importance of content personalisation and diversity in the team of writers, leaders, and contributors, as well as why she chose to resign from this role – “the best job in the world” – and put family life first. 💡

📌 Random news in brief

Shopkeepers are advised not to sell baked beans to children because of a new TikTok trend. Lol. 🚫
A newly discovered drawing by Van Gogh, “Study for Worn Out,” goes on display at the Amsterdam museum, six months after another Van Gogh painting was found and sold for £11.2 m at a Sotheby’s auction! 🖼️ 💰
If you haven’t been to the United States and this is on your bucket list, do it soon! Donald Trump says the US will cease to exist in three years, so … it must be true! 🇺🇸 👀
We live in a world where Niki Minaj thinks her cousin’s friend in Trinidad and Tobago has swollen balls from the COVID vaccine. What is worse, we live in a world where the Health Minister for Trinidad and Tobago has to give a press conference to essentially dismiss Minaj’s claim and emphasise misinformation. 🙄 🤦‍♀️

Before we say goodbye… 🥺

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The Culture Worm

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